The biggest blessings in life can come from the most diverse and difficult situations. Join me as I take on life as a young woman whose spirits constantly fall through the ground, yet continue to grow beautiful roses in the cracks of life's 'concrete'.
Who am I?
My name is Sofia Gonzalez.
I am just a young woman from the Bay Area, CA sharing everything I have learned from reflecting on my own thoughts, experiences and actions. This life story revolves around finding light from seemingly impossible circumstances. My grammar is not perfect, my decisions are flawed, sometimes I feel straight up lost, but it has lead me here. Welcome to my deep, public, 'private story'.
LATEST WORK:
Chapter One: Escaping does not solve.
Sometimes there are times in your life where you just need to press reset.
Think about when you were happiest.
Think about what's leading you to the feelings that consume you;
But don’t drown in your thoughts,
Because that's when you lose control and begin spiraling into constant worry, anxiety, and insecurity.
Instead, consider coming to peace with yourself.
For me, this was through God.
Slowly when I began to lose control, I would type into google, “How to deal with anxiety-bible”, “how to handle jealousy scripture”;
What is this peace for you?
When your head starts to feel impounding pain from your own thoughts,
Do you let it continue?
Do you read scripture?
Do you go for a run? A drive? A trip to the beach?
I’ve constantly craved a need for relief.
Taking a breathe into my vape,
Going to a nightclub to drink the thoughts away,
Begging for touch just to feel something; anything.
I constantly wanted a way out.
Let me escape this pain, just for one moment, let me feel something; anything.
But sometimes you need to realize that these habits prolong your pain;
When the drunkenness goes away, the pain stays.
When the high leaves, you long for more.
When the touch is gone, the emptiness reoccurs.
When the music ends, you are in silence with your thoughts.
It's just you.
You, in a world full of painful pictures.
But with the pain, there IS beauty.
Once you stop searching, and you are alone for the first time;
You realize that deep down, you have known the answer this whole time;
You have been too scared to feel the hurt and know when you are wrong.
Take those steps,
Face your pain and stop trying to escape in ways that don’t resolve but delay,
Because once you let yourself heal, there is a life of beauty; a life of peace. I am still searching for this peace, although every moment of every day, I find myself closer to it.
This doesn’t mean to only figure out why you fell into the concrete; maybe you were already there. It means to realize what will make your rose grow from the cracks. For me, it was my faith, but what is it for you?
...
Chapter Two: A Butterfly & Future Hope
Sometimes Reaching forward feels like waiting for a butterfly to land on your finger
You hold out a hope, longing for one moment
And when you are reaching, there is doubt
It is never going to happen.
But I still hold hope.
Why does it happen for others, but I see no butterflies in sight?
And if it is a stormy day, forget it.
I can't decide if a gentle moment is worth being drenched in rain
But still, I wait.
Mascara running down my cheeks without permission
My eyelashes clustering with drops
My body subtly starting to shiver
I should give up
Every hope is lost
Until the clouds part above
And the rain subsides
My clothes, still wet, feel a bout of warmth
And as i hold up my fingers once more
And look to the floor in exhaustion
A tickle on my finger startles my eyes to the beauty I have been waiting for
For 2 seconds of joy, I endured the storm.
A fleeting moment and once more my fingers are empty once again
The tension of my face with a smile, I walk into my home and wait for the next storm.